Hello! I have been reading the comments over the past few days, and finally decided to post one. I am amazed at the number of women (I included) who feel/felt shame and guilt while with their husband. I wasn't ashamed because of being with my husband, I felt shame and guilt because people knew what I did with my husband. Obviously when you're married, you're going to have sex, but I didn't want people to know that. It got to where I was even ashamed to talk to God about it; I didn't want to say the S word to Him! (as if He didn't already know). Finally I knew I needed to go back to counseling. I also have a book that I received as a wedding present 10 years ago. I didn't read it until 4 years ago. I believe the book helped more than counseling did. I finally "got it" that I was hurting God with the way I was perceiving things about sex. He expects us to do it, have fun with it, and have no shame or guilt about it. I was also hurting Him by not talking to Him about it. As a teen/college student (I'm now 34) I was a cutter, went through depression, was anorexic, had flashbacks, wanted to die, etc. But the shame and guilt didn't showed up until I realized what people knew. It was the firt time for both my husband and I on our wedding night, but because of underlying things, it wasn't special to me. The first 7 years were not special to me like they should have been. I was mad at myself for a while because of that, but then realized I had to continue on, "start over" with sex, if that makes sense. These past 3 years have been much better, but once in a while it's in my mind. Back in May we went away for our anniversary without the kids. A few weeks before we left, it was in my mind that people would know what we were going to be doing. But over all, I didn't feel the shame and guilt like I did in years past. I like to write poetry and would like to write one for you. Thanks.




I’m amazed at the things God has done in my life.
He brought me from child to mother and wife.
When I wanted to die, when I cut and took pills,
He let me know quick that it wasn’t His will.
I became accustomed to not giving a care,
About what happened to me, but God was still there.
And then came the memories, the guilt and the shame.
Suddenly the cutting was no more than a game.
I cried and cried, and cried some more.
It was beginning to pierce right down to the core.
As I lay there at night with him haunting my mind,
I thought, don’t lay still. He’s gonna get ya.
The thoughts were not kind.
They were heartwrenching when you think please not again.
Three years of remembering felt like now, not back then.
Through it all God never left,
Though at times it seemed He did.
He brought me back time and again.
His hand He never hid.

tiffiew74@yahoo.com